Things nobody talks about when you become a mum

Sep 7, 2022 | Wellness


Once you become a mum, you know that life will never be the same again. You accept that you’ll get little or no sleep, you’ll feel permanently exhausted and you’ll have to clean up interesting liquids exiting from your angelic baby.

But there are many more things that happen to you personally that no one thinks to talk about.

Like, going from being confident to doubting yourself. Choosing to back down because that is easier and takes less energy. Developing low self-esteem because now that you’re a mum you don’t know who you really are anymore or what you want. Feeling lonely, although you are never alone, because you don’t feel like you can ask for help. Losing your mojo for life!

Before I became a mum, I was climbing the corporate ladder. I was working for Rolls-Royce. I was leading interesting projects that really challenged me, and also gave me sleepless nights. I was going out and having fun. Life was more than good.

I had no idea how I would change when I became a mum.

Being super confident then constantly doubting my decisions 

Becoming a mum is daunting. It feels like all eyes are on you. Looking at you expecting you to just know how to look after your baby seamlessly from day 1. Of course you should know, shouldn’t you? It’s your baby.

Whether you believe you can or you believe you can’t, there’s that constant niggling feeling that is questioning whether what you’re doing is right. That self-doubt that bubbles inside even if outwardly you’re managing and making it look like all is okay.

And then there’s returning to work.

Time, self aware, confidence

I really thought that when I returned to work, I’d literally be able to pick up from where I’d left off. Wrong. My brain for the last 12 months was focused on learning to be a mum. It felt like all work-related knowledge had been erased. 

So on my first day back, I did feel like a fish out of water. Everything looked the same but life had moved on and without me. Not only was I running to catch up but I was out of practice. 

I went in on that first day feeling excited to be back in the real world again. I left feeling lost.

On my first day, it became obvious that I was back on a steep learning curve. Not only did I need to remember the stuff I used to know but I also had to catch up with where everyone was now. Oh my goodness, I felt like I was out of my depth!

Looking back now, what this taught me was that we focus on what we don’t know instead of what we do know. We focus on what we’re not good at instead of our strengths. Sure, I needed to get back into the swing of things but I definitely wasn’t starting from a blank piece of paper.

I invite you to refocus your attention on what you do know. It’s about getting comfortable with where you’re great instead of feeling uncomfortable with what might be lacking. This is what will help you to regain your confidence.

Feeling lonely as a mum although you’re never alone

I don’t know about you, but I learnt pretty quickly that I’d never be alone. To start with, it was out of necessity. My baby would always be with me, even when I needed the toilet. Even today, now that my children are 9 and 6, I know there is no point in closing the door!

But being alone and feeling lonely are two different things.

Being a mum can be very lonely. The pressure we put ourselves under to be the perfect mum. To know exactly what to do all the time. We choose silence instead of sharing our fears in case we’re judged for not knowing.

The answer is simple, ask for help. Asking for help is not an act of failure. Asking for help is an act of courage. It’s taking action to help you move forward and be better today than you were yesterday.

Losing your identity

I wear my mum label with pride, however, that is not who I am and it took me a while to realise that. I was so focused on being the best mum I could be I’d forgotten who I actually was.

Before I became a mum I was very sociable. I loved meeting up with friends whether it was for a coffee catch-up, going out to a club or just grabbing a bite to eat whilst having a good old natter. I knew what I liked and what I didn’t. I knew what I wanted from life.

But being a mum can be all consuming, if we let it.

My outlook now is quite different. I know that I am one of the biggest influencers in my children’s lives. My focus is now more on being a great role model to them. This means leading by example. I want them to have the best life they can and to make that happen.


That’s why it’s up to me to show them by doing the same. So, it starts with reconnecting with who I am, what I want and deciding where I want to go on my journey of life.

If I knew back then how becoming a mum would really change me and my life, I would have taken the time to really understand what I want life as a mum to mean to me. I would have also spent some time getting to grips with how being a mum would impact me personally.

I’m fortunate that I’ve been on my own journey of self-discovery, which was triggered because I decided to take a leap of faith and leave my corporate career. It gave me time to reflect on who I was and what I wanted next. It allowed me to see with my eyes open how being a mum had changed me.

Becoming a mum is a life event. We do change in so many ways. Some are conscious and others subconscious. But it is up to us what happens next. We can continue to be swept along by life or we can decide to grab the bull by the horns and do something that best serves us, which will then benefit everyone we love.

How has becoming a mum changed you?


If you need some help getting started then take a look at my book, ‘Busy! The working mum’s guide to confidently walking life’s tightrope’.

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You might also like to read, Are you ready to drop the mummy guilt?

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