Who are you, now that you’re a mum?

I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mum. Before I became a mum, I would relish in looking after others. And as my parents were very often busy working in the restaurant, I sometimes even felt like I was mothering my little sister.

It just feels like I’ve always had a ‘mothering’ instinct.

So I was super excited when I found out I was going to become a mum.

I did all the practical things that everyone tells you to do. I read books. I went to NHS and NCT classes. I talked to family and friends who had children to get their advice. So as far as I was concerned, I was ready for motherhood.

However, the thing that nobody talks about is how quickly you lose your identity when you become a mum!

Not one mum I spoke to mentioned this to me.

They told me all the practical things I needed to do. They told me how tiring it would be. They told me how challenging it will be. But nothing about how you go from being an individual to being consumed by being a mum.

And when I look back to when my children were babies, I have to admit I didn’t say anything either. Because at that time for me, it wasn’t at the top of my lists of information I needed to share. I think I was so engrossed in mumdom that I hadn’t realised yet.

But I now know how important it is to retain your identity. Or at least reconnect with your identity and who you are as soon as you can. 

Becoming a mum is a big deal. It’s a life-changing event. It adds fuel to our inner critic. And if we don’t already feel like an imposter in life then seeing other mums handle life with ease stokes our imposter syndrome. And finally, don’t get me started on how our confidence takes a nose dive as we’re thrown into the deep end trying to do our best to raise our helpless little humans.

So why is staying connected to your identity so important?

Our identity is our core. If we know who we are then we can better deal with anything that life throws at us. Knowing ourselves gives us a strong foundation for living more purposefully and making the right decisions for us.

So when our beautiful bundle of joy does come along we are more likely to be ready to start this new chapter in our life.

But what if you’re already on the other side? What if you need to reconnect with your identity and who you are?

Not to worry, these steps will help you.

Reflect

Take some time to remember what you liked before you were a mum. What made you smile? What did you do with your spare time? What would you do for fun? Reflecting on who you were is a great way to start to reconnect to the wonderful woman you still are. 

Make a list

Write down all the things you love about yourself, even if it’s the shape of your eyebrows. Not only are you good enough but you are great. Sometimes you just need to remind yourself.