7 Tips To Keeping Your Identity When You Become A Mum

Sep 11, 2019

When I became a mum I automatically put myself at the bottom of the list. My priorities changed. The needs of my children came first followed by hubby. It wasn’t a conscious decision. It was automatic. I suppose my need to look after others was stronger than the need to look after myself.

The thing is, we are all individuals and we are not defined by the roles we play. Keeping your identity rests in your hands. You define you. No one else. By doing just a few simple things, you can give yourself space and time to ensure you’re not at the bottom of the list.

Here are my 7 tips for keeping your identity.

  1. Always introduce yourself as who you are and then your child’s name when meeting new parents.

I don’t think I even realised I was doing it, but my default would be to introduce myself as Lea or Louka’s mummy and then say my name. Sometimes I would even forget to say my name. This really doesn’t help.

  1. Make time for yourself to do things you want

It’s so easy to forget to do things you like and want to do when you have children. My focus is usually on making sure they’re getting the best experiences and they have things to do. But, it is just as important that I also have time to do what I want to do.

This may mean waiting until the evening when you think you’re exhausted. But if that’s the only time you have then make it count.

  1. Have ‘me time

Yes ‘me’ time.

I remember that there didn’t feel like there was enough time to have ‘me’ time. There was always something to do. There’s still always something to do. The thing is, everyone else seems to have their own time.

Me time doesn’t have to be anything fancy like getting a facial or having a massage. Although I do like a facial once and a while. It can be just going for a walk. It’s free and it’s easy to do.

  1. Dress yourself for you

When I first became a mum, I dressed to be practical. My first thought would be, what should I wear to make breastfeeding easy. Followed by what would hide any baby related stains. Followed by what’s comfortable.

Whereas before children, I enjoyed clothes more. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a fashionista. But I dressed how I wanted to dress. And there is no reason why this shouldn’t be the same when you’re a mum. Yes, there have to be some adjustments. But nothing that can’t be managed.

  1. Keep your brain active

The company of little people becomes the norm, which is great. I loved going to baby groups. I loved spending time with my babies. But this is not great for your brain. Your brain is a muscle. And so, it needs to be exercised.

Whether this is reading, doing puzzles or attempting a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Keep using your brain.

  1. Don’t forget your pre mummy self

Becoming a mum doesn’t mean retiring your old self. There may be bits that no longer have a role in your life but there will be parts that should remain.

For me, it’s important to stay in touch with my friends. Friends who really know me. Friends who really get me. Some are close and so I get to meet up with them for dinner or coffee. Others live further away, and so, it’s less frequent and relies on texts.

  1. You are unique

We are all unique. Just because we’re now mums doesn’t make us the same. Although we do have things in common. We have led different lives. We don’t necessarily share the same principles.

It’s not about fitting in. It’s about just being you. Whatever that means.

Becoming a mum is an awesome thing. It’s a role that I have embraced but I’ve also fought to retain my identity. To know who I am no matter what role I’m playing.

That’s ‘7 Tips To Keeping Your Identity When You Become A Mum’ according to Mummy on a Break

What are you doing to keep your identity?


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