How to Stop Feeling Stuck When You Don’t Know What to Do Next
Have you ever had so many things going round in your head that you end up doing absolutely nothing?
You’ve been thinking about changing jobs, starting something new, doing something for yourself, having that conversation you’ve been avoiding, getting back into something you used to enjoy, or simply working out what you actually want from your life.
You’ve thought about it, a lot.
You might even have made lists.
You’ve talked to friends about it, searched online, listened to podcasts, read books and told yourself that you really need to make a decision.
And yet, here you are. Still thinking about it, still wondering what to do and still feeling stuck.
What I’ve noticed is that the problem isn’t that you don’t have any options. It’s that you have too many.
When having choices becomes the problem
Imagine you walk into a restaurant and there are three things on the menu. You look at them, choose one and get on with your evening.
Now imagine the menu has 47 pages. Suddenly choosing dinner becomes difficult.
You start wondering whether you’re making the right choice. You look at what everyone else is having and you change your mind. You look again. You wonder whether you should try something different.
And after all that, you might still end up ordering the same thing you always have.
Life can be a bit like that.
You could stay in your job. You could look for another one. You could retrain. You could start a business. You could work part-time. You could do something completely different.
You could stay exactly where you are.
And every option comes with another set of questions.
What if I hate it?
What if I fail?
What if I make the wrong decision?
What will people think?
What if I leave and regret it?
So you keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking.
Until thinking becomes a substitute for doing.
The decision you are avoiding might not be the decision you think it is
The problem that seems to be on the surface is not usually what needs to be solved. It’s not unusual for a client to arrive believing they have a decision to make when, actually, there is a different question underneath it.
Someone might say, “I don’t know whether I should leave my job.”
So we could spend an hour comparing the advantages and disadvantages of staying and going.
Or we could ask a different question.
“What is it about your current situation that you don’t want anymore?”
Now we have something to work with.
Perhaps they don’t hate their job at all. Perhaps they hate feeling overlooked. Perhaps they want more freedom. Perhaps they’re bored. Perhaps they want to feel challenged again. Perhaps they’ve spent years building a career around what made sense at the time and have realised that it doesn’t fit the life they want now.
That’s very different from simply deciding whether to leave a job.
And this is why getting unstuck isn’t always about making a decision.
Sometimes it’s about understanding what is really going on before you make one.
Here are three things to try when you feel stuck
Stop asking “What should I do?” and ask “What do I want to be different?”
This is useful because “What should I do?” immediately puts you into problem-solving mode, which means you start looking for the right answer.
If you believe there is one right answer, every other option starts to feel like a risk.
Instead, think about the life you’re living now and ask yourself:
“What do I want to be different?”
Maybe you want more time. Maybe you want more money. Maybe you want to feel excited about your work again. Maybe you want more confidence. Maybe you want to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.
Write down everything that comes to mind without worrying about whether it is realistic yet.
Once you know what you want to be different, you can start looking at your options from a completely different perspective.
This means you stop asking “Which decision is the right one?”, and start asking “Which option gets me closer to what I want?”
That makes decisions much easier.
Stop trying to guarantee the outcome
This is difficult because most of us would love a guarantee.
If someone could tell you, “Do this and everything will work out exactly how you want it to,” you’d probably find it much easier to take action.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that. You can make a well-thought-out decision and still have no idea exactly what will happen.
So when you find yourself thinking, “I need to know whether this is going to work before I do it,” ask yourself: “What could I do to find out more?”
Could you speak to someone who has already done it?
Could you try something on a small scale?
Could you have a conversation?
Could you test the idea?
Could you give yourself three months to explore it?
You don’t always need certainty. Sometimes you just need enough information to take the next step.
And once you take that step, you have more information than you had before.
That is how you start moving forward.
Notice where you are choosing safety over what you want
This is probably the most uncomfortable one.
Sometimes we tell ourselves that we are confused when, actually, we know exactly what we want.
We just don’t know whether we are brave enough to deal with what might happen if we go after it.
Maybe you know you want to leave. Maybe you know you want to apply for the promotion.
Maybe you know you want to start something of your own. Maybe you know you need to have that conversation.
And then your mind starts giving you perfectly sensible reasons why now isn’t the right time.
So ask yourself: “If I knew I couldn’t get this wrong, what would I choose?”
Pay attention to the answer and then ask: “What is stopping me?”
That answer is often the real reason you’re not taking action.
What if you don’t need another answer?
When I work with clients who feel stuck, I’m not there to give them a list of things they should do. If I did that, they would simply have another list.
Instead, we look at what is happening underneath the surface.
We look at the decision they think they need to make, the thoughts they are having about it, the things they are worried might happen and the beliefs that are influencing the way they see their options.
Because sometimes the person who says, “I don’t know what to do,” actually does know.
They’re just frightened of making the wrong choice. Or they’re waiting to feel confident before they act. Or they’re trying to work out the entire journey before taking the first step.
Once you understand what is really keeping you stuck, the way forward can become much clearer. And that is often the point when things start to change.
Not because someone has suddenly handed you the answer but because you can finally see it for yourself.
You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going.
If you are feeling stuck right now, I don’t think the answer is necessarily to push yourself harder.
You probably don’t need another motivational quote telling you to get out there and make things happen.
You might need to stop for a moment and ask yourself a better question.
What am I actually trying to create?
If you don’t know what you want, every option can feel like the wrong one.
And if you’re trying to guarantee that your decision will work before you make it, you could be waiting a very long time.
You don’t need to know exactly where your life is going.
You just need to understand what you want to be different and be willing to take the next step towards it.
So if you’ve been feeling stuck, ask yourself this today:
Am I really stuck, or am I trying so hard to make the perfect decision that I’ve stopped making any decision at all?
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