How to Find Purpose in Life When You Feel Like You’re Just Going Through the Motions

I used to wake up most mornings thinking, “Is this it?”

Then I’d push the thought aside, get my family sorted and get ready for work.

I felt guilty for even thinking it. I mean, I had a good job, a nice house and a healthy family. I had plenty to be grateful for, so why did I feel this way?

And somehow, I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that something was missing.

So eventually, I decided to do something about it. I took a leap of faith and accepted voluntary redundancy. That one decision set me on a completely different path.

Since then, I’ve learnt a lot about myself. I now know what that question, “Is this it?”, really meant for me.

These days, I wake up feeling very different from how I used to.

Why You Can Have a Good Life and Still Feel Unfulfilled

I’ve spoken to so many people, particularly women, who describe feeling the same way.

They’ve done what was expected of them. They’ve built careers, raised families and taken care of everyone around them.

From the outside, everything looks great.

Yet inside, they feel as though they’re on autopilot. They go through the motions, check off their to-do lists, and rarely stop to ask themselves what they actually want.

Sometimes, they struggle to explain what’s wrong. They know they want something to change, yet they can’t put their finger on what it is.

It’s just that sometimes, life can feel like wading through thick treacle.

The thing is, feeling unfulfilled doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. And it doesn’t mean you need to turn your entire life upside down.

Sometimes, you need to understand yourself a little better before you can work out what needs to change.

In my experience, what you think is the problem isn’t always the real problem. That’s why it’s important to understand what’s going on under the surface as opposed to jumping straight in and trying to find solutions.

Here are three things you can start doing for yourself.

Find the Root Cause of What You’re Feeling

When something isn’t working in your life, it’s easy to focus on the obvious problem.

Perhaps you’re fed up with your job, frustrated with your relationships or tired of your daily routine.

Yet what if these things are symptoms rather than the cause?

Start by becoming curious about what you’re experiencing. Instead of immediately deciding what needs to change, ask yourself questions.
What is it about the job that leaves you feeling unfulfilled?
Is it the work itself, the environment or the fact that you no longer feel challenged?
What does that frustration tell you about what you need?

Keep asking questions until you begin to understand what’s really going on.

This is useful because it helps you avoid making changes that address the symptoms without dealing with the underlying issue. The more you understand the root cause, the easier it becomes to make decisions that genuinely improve your life.

Get to Know Yourself and What You Really Want

How well do you really know yourself?

Over time, we’re influenced by our upbringing, our experiences and the people around us. We learn what’s expected of us and what we should do to be successful, a good parent, a good partner or a good employee.

Before we know it, we’re making decisions based on what other people want or what we believe we should want.

Take some time to think about what matters to you now.
What makes you feel alive?
What do you enjoy doing?
What have you stopped doing because life got busy?
When do you feel most like yourself?

Write down your answers without worrying about whether they sound sensible or fit with your current circumstances.

Getting to know yourself helps you recognise the difference between what you genuinely want and what you’ve learnt to expect from yourself.

When you understand that difference, you can start making choices that feel right for you rather than living according to everyone else’s expectations.