Confidence is Like a Unicorn: Does it Feel like Just a Myth?

May 10, 2023 | Wellness


I want to talk about something that so many of us strive for but few of us really understand, confidence.

As you’re reading this, are you thinking ‘I am confident’?

As you’re reading this, are you thinking ‘I’d like to be more confident’?

As you’re reading this, are you thinking ‘I’d like to be confident’?

As you’re reading this, are you thinking ‘confidence is for other people’?

Which one sounds most familiar?

None of them, some of them, all of them?

You’re not alone.

So many people crave it without necessarily knowing what it is or how to get it. Plus, people think that once you’re confident that’s job done and life will be easy.

You will have heard me say this before, that confidence is like a muscle. It needs to be constantly exercised if you’re to remain confident. This means working on yourself as well as taking action to feel confident in different situations.

This may seem overwhelming but it doesn’t have to be. Just take one step at a time and you will easily be able to exercise your confidence muscle.

Time, self aware, confidence

What is confidence?

Confidence is like a puzzle with a bunch of different pieces that all need to fit together just right. The two that I think are the foundation of confidence are self-belief and self-esteem. 

Self-belief is believing in your own abilities. We spend too much time focusing on where we lack instead of focusing on what we know. It’s that feeling of not being good enough that will suck away any confidence that you may have. Refocus your attention so you can build your self-belief.

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person. It’s being able to look in the mirror and see all the things that make you great instead of seeing only what you think are your flaws. When your self-esteem is high, that’s when you’ll feel confident in your own skin.

So how can you exercise your confidence muscle?

Set achievable goals

Setting goals that are realistic and achievable can help you build confidence by giving you a sense of accomplishment as well as showing you that you can. Start small, and gradually work your way up to bigger goals. Celebrate your successes along the way, and don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t reach a goal right away.

Embrace failure

Failure is a natural part of the learning process, and it can actually be a great opportunity for growth. When you experience failure, try to reframe it as a learning experience rather than a reflection of your abilities. Use what you’ve learned to improve and try again.

Getting comfortable with failing means you’ll become less frightened of it and help you nurture the confidence to go try things.

Practise self-compassion

This may seem counterintuitive, but one of the best things you can do to build confidence is to be kind to yourself. When you make a mistake or fail at something, try to avoid negative self-talk or beating yourself up. Instead, practise self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend.

Take care of your physical health

Your physical health can have a big impact on your mental and emotional well-being, which in turn can affect your confidence. If you’re not feeling great mentally and physically, you’re unlikely to feel confident.

So, think about which habits you can adopt that will support your well-being.


Practise, practise, practise

Finally, one of the most effective ways to build confidence is through practise. Whether it’s public speaking, playing a sport, or learning a new skill, the more you practise, the more confident you’ll become. Remember that it’s okay to make mistakes along the way – that’s how you learn and grow. Just keep practising and you’ll get there.

And, there you have it, confidence doesn’t have to feel like this mythical thing that you are trying to find. It’s just about doing the things that feel right for you so that you can start to nurture your confidence, remembering that it doesn’t stop when you feel confident. It takes constant work that overtime will feel easier.

How are you flexing your confidence muscle?


If you’d like some help exercising your confidence muscle then check out my upcoming 4-Week Online Programme by clicking this LINK

You might also like to read, What if self-care made you more confident and resilient? 

To find out how I can help, click the LINK and book a complimentary 30 minute discovery call.

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