When You’re the One Everyone Looks Up To (And Still Feel Like a Fraud)
You’re smashing it at work.
Your kids are doing great. Friends come to you for advice. Colleagues rely on you. People think you’ve got it all sorted.
They really have no idea.
They see the confidence. They see the wins.
What they don’t see is what’s going on behind the scenes.
The little voice that whispers, “Who do you think you are?” The constant dance with you feeling like an imposter.
And I get it, because I’ve lived it and I’ve coached women through it too.
And guess what? You’re not broken. You’re just human.
Why You Feel This Way (Even When You’re Doing Brilliantly)
You love your work. You’re proud of how far you’ve come. There are parts of your day that light you up. Then there are the other parts that stretch you.
The meetings, the pitches and the speaking up in a room full of people who seem louder and more certain.
Every time you face these moments, you step outside your comfort zone. And even though you’ve done it a hundred times before, it still feels hard. It still takes effort. It still doesn’t feel like it comes naturally.
There’s something I want you to know. Confidence doesn’t mean comfort. Confidence is courage in action.
As Dame Kelly Holmes once said:
“It’s all about confidence and believing in yourself. Sometimes you have to remind yourself who you are.”
Forget about focusing on what you think others may think and remember why you are where you are. It’s because you took the time and made the effort to progress one step at a time.
What’s Really Going On
Giving in to feeling like an imposter means that you’re allowing yourself to ignore and invalidate your efforts. You’ve convinced yourself that success only counts if it felt easy. You’ve forgotten all of your achievements on the way that have led you to where you are now.
Remember, nobody handed you anything on a plate.
Sound familiar?
It’s your beliefs that are the culprits. The ones that tell you you’re not enough or not ready. The old stories that you insist on running. They’re not facts. And they’re definitely not you.
By running these stories over and over again, your brain has been conditioned to believe these stories instead of what is true.
When I work with my coaching clients, we get right into this. We unpack those beliefs and then replace them with ones that are rooted in truth and are real.
It’s about rebuilding your self-esteem so that you can step into the confident individual you know you are.
How to Start Shifting This Today
Here are five practical ways to quiet that imposter voice and reconnect with the powerhouse that you actually are.
Start noticing your wins
Keep a ‘done list’ alongside your to-do list. Small victories count. Everything from calming a tantrum to handling a difficult work conversation. Write it down and own it. It’s time to focus on what you’ve achieved, and celebrate it, rather than the stuff you haven’t done yet.
Say what you mean, even if your voice shakes
Confidence isn’t being fearless, it’s doing the thing despite the fear. That means plenty of practice. And this is not about going through the motions just to get it done. It means practicing being comfortable doing what feels uncomfortable. That’s where your focus needs to be.
Get honest about your comfort zone
Notice what makes you uncomfortable, then get curious. Is it unfamiliarity? A past experience? Once you understand it, you can then work with it.
Talk to someone who gets it
Whether it’s a coach, like me, or a trusted friend, having someone reflect your greatness back to you can shift everything. It’s like holding up a mirror so you can see how great you are.
Rewrite the story you’re telling yourself
That inner narrative, you know the one whispering you’re not ready or not good enough, it’s outdated. Start speaking to yourself like you would to your best friend. With compassion. With truth. With love. Yes, it’s that simple.
It’s exactly what Brené Brown said “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both.”
What If You Started Seeing Yourself Like Everyone Else Does?
Imagine walking into a room and owning your space, not because you’re pretending, but because you finally believe that you belong.
Picture leading your team, raising your kids, setting boundaries and making decisions from a place of grounded, calm confidence. The kind that doesn’t need to shout.
That version of you?
She’s already here.
She’s just waiting for you to catch up to her.
And this is exactly the kind of work I do with my clients. Through coaching, we unpick the unhelpful patterns, get clarity on what matters most and build the kind of self-esteem that sticks. Not just in your career, but in your life.
You’re already the woman others look up to. Now it’s time for you to see her too.
Ready to ditch the imposter and reclaim your confidence?
If this blog has struck a chord with you and if you’re nodding along and thinking “yes, this is me” it’s time for us to talk.
I offer personalised 1:1 coaching for high-achieving working mums who are ready to break free from self-doubt and start living from a place of genuine self-belief.
Click the LINK here to book your free clarity call
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