Letting Go of the Woman You Thought You Had to Be: Reclaim Your Confidence, Self-Esteem and Focus
Let me start by asking you a question, when did you decide that the woman you are wasn’t quite enough?
Was it after you became a mum and felt the pressure to ‘bounce back’ before you’d even caught your breath?
Was it when you sat in yet another, nodding along while quietly questioning whether you belonged there?
Or was it the moment you found yourself juggling a work deadline, a school WhatsApp group explosion and the dinner burning, all while trying to smile through the chaos?
If your heart is quietly whispering “yes,” then this is for you.
This is a conversation I have time and time again with high-achieving women who are spinning plates with one hand and answering emails with the other, holding themselves to an impossible standard that sounds something like: “You should be able to do it all.”
It’s time to unravel that belief because letting go of the woman you thought you had to be is the most powerful act of freedom you’ll ever gift yourself.
Why This Matters
This idea of letting go isn’t about giving up. It’s about realigning.
It’s about taking a long, loving look at the woman you’ve become and choosing to stop chasing someone else’s definition of success.
High-achieving women carry invisible expectations.
Be ambitious, but not too pushy.
Be present with your kids, but don’t slack at work.
Be composed, yet passionate.
Can we just pause for a moment and call that out for what it is? Exhausting.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
These are powerful words. And yet, when the loudest critic is living in your own head, it takes more than awareness, it takes intention, courage and often, support.
One of the exercises I guide my clients through is to understand outdated expectations. It’s about challenging the ‘shoulds’ and rewriting the script to support their own expectations. And we don’t do it with guilt, we do it with grace and focus.
Understanding the Shift
Letting go doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means making room for who you truly are.
You see, when you hold onto the image of the ‘perfect woman’, that curated, high-performing, always-available and never-tired version of you, you’re actually crowding out your own brilliance.
You’re chasing a fantasy instead of claiming your reality.
Real transition starts with recognising where you are now. And then asking: what do I want? What do I need?
It’s about redefining what success means to you. You can then give yourself permission to remove the masks that you wear and allow your confidence and self-esteem to rise. Instead of doing more, you start to do what matters.
Melinda Gates captured this beautifully: “A woman with a voice is, by definition, a strong woman.” Your voice isn’t just in how you speak to others, it’s how you speak to yourself.
Putting It into Action
Here are 5 tools to help you release unrealistic expectations and step into your next chapter with clarity and confidence.
Name the pressure
Write down the expectations you feel you’re carrying and then acknowledge whose expectations they actually are.
Getting clear on where they come from helps you reclaim your power to decide which ones stay and which ones are binned.
Focus on values, not roles
You’re more than a job title or a mum badge. What do you value? Kindness, leadership, creativity? Once we know what our values are and we start to live life by them, life feels easier and making decisions is easier.
Set your own pace
Progress doesn’t have to look like promotion after promotion or always being ‘on’. It might look like setting boundaries, taking a step back or even changing direction. That’s not weakness, it’s wisdom.
Speak kindly to yourself
Your inner dialogue sets the tone for your self-esteem. Would you speak to your daughter the way you sometimes speak to yourself? More importantly, would you speak to your younger self like that? Thought not. Practice self-talk that lifts you up instead of tearing you down.
Get support
You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s coaching, community or connection, surround yourself with people who reflect the woman you are, not the woman you’re trying to be.
What’s Next for You?
Imagine waking up without that sinking feeling that you’re already behind.
Imagine making decisions from a place of calm, not pressure.
Imagine showing up as the woman you choose to be, not the one the world told you to become.
That shift doesn’t happen by accident. It happens with intention. It happens when you pause long enough to say, “I’m ready for something different.”
And here’s the brilliant part, you don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to start.
In my coaching sessions, this is the space we create together. One where you can exhale. One where you can dream again, reset your focus and move through the transition with clarity and courage. Whether it’s building confidence at work, redefining your path or simply permitting yourself to rest, we’ll walk it together.
The woman you thought you had to be was doing her best. Let’s honour her. And now, let’s choose to move on. Because your next chapter is not about striving it’s about becoming who you want to be.
You don’t have to carry it all. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You just have to be you. And that’s more than enough.
If this spoke to you, I’d love to invite you to book a free discovery call. Let’s talk about where you are, where you want to be and how coaching can support you on that journey.
Click HERE to book your free discovery call
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