“I Don’t Have a Choice”… Or Do You?
Let’s challenge something for a moment.
How many times have you said, or thought:
“I don’t have a choice.”
You might say it about your job. A relationship. Your daily routine. A situation at home. A conversation you keep avoiding.
You tell yourself there’s only one option and keep your head down, hoping things will sort themselves out.
You always have a choice.
This is true even when it doesn’t feel like it.
The reason it feels like you don’t is because every choice comes with consequences. And sometimes those consequences feel uncomfortable, awkward, or uncertain.
So your brain does something interesting.
It convinces you that you have no choice at all.
Because if there’s no choice, you don’t have to make a decision.
What “Choice” Actually Means
When I talk about choice, I’m not talking about easy decisions.
I’m talking about recognising that more than one path exists, even when every option feels uncomfortable.
The women I work with come to me feeling stuck. They’re capable, intelligent, and doing their best to keep everything moving.
By just looking at them, you’d have no idea that a problem existed.
And yet, they’re struggling. They’re trying to maintain the momentum of life. Too busy to face what needs to be faced.
They feel frustrated, tired and a bit lost in their own life.
And when we start exploring what’s going on, I often hear:
“I don’t really have a choice.”
What we usually discover together is this.
Choice doesn’t mean every option feels good.
Choice simply means there is more than one direction available.
You could stay exactly where you are.
You could say something that needs to be said.
You could change how you respond to a situation.
You could decide that something is no longer acceptable.
Every one of those is a choice.
Some choices keep life exactly as it is.
Some choices create change.
And the thing that often makes a decision feel impossible isn’t the choice itself.
It’s the consequences that might come with it.
Five Things To Do When You Think You Have No Choice
Next time you find yourself thinking “I don’t have a choice”, try this.
Define the choices you actually have
Start by writing down all the options in front of you.
Every single one.
Even the ones that feel uncomfortable. Even the ones you’ve already dismissed in your head.
When you see them written down, you often realise there are more choices available than you first thought.
Stop rejecting options straight away
Avoid immediately ruling out an option because you don’t like what might happen next.
Maybe someone will be upset. Maybe it will feel awkward. Maybe things will change.
For now, keep the option on the table. You’re exploring, not deciding yet.
Identify the benefits of each choice
Every option brings something positive.
Ask yourself:
What could improve if I chose this?
What might feel better?
What could become easier?
Sometimes the benefit is peace of mind. Sometimes it’s clarity. Sometimes it’s simply feeling more like yourself again.
Look at how you could reduce the consequences
Consequences rarely appear exactly as we imagine them.
If a conversation feels difficult, you can prepare for it.
If a change feels risky, you can plan the steps.
When you approach the situation with curiosity rather than fear, solutions often start appearing.
Decide which option moves you towards a happier place
At some point, a decision needs to happen.
So ask yourself this question:
Which option leads me towards a happier situation?
Not the easiest option.
Not the one that keeps everyone else comfortable.
The one that feels more aligned with the life you want to live.
This Is Something I Work On With My Clients A Lot
When clients come to me, it’s to help them with a particular issue they’ve been struggling with. They need help in really understanding what’s going on so that they can address it and move on.
We define the choices.
We explore the consequences.
We challenge the beliefs that are keeping them stuck.
Very often the biggest shift happens when someone realises they have far more power in their situation than they realised.
And surprisingly to them, that’s when confidence starts to grow.
Not because life suddenly becomes easy.
Because they realise they can handle the decisions in front of them.
A Question For You
The next time you catch yourself saying:
“I don’t have a choice.”
Pause for a moment and ask yourself this instead:
What choices am I not allowing myself to see?
You may realise there are more possibilities available than you first thought.
And that’s often where everything begins to change.
If trying to resolve this by yourself is no longer an option, check out The Shift Sessions
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