Feeling Like a Failure Isn’t the Truth, It’s Just Evidence You’re Collecting
Most of the women I work with are not stuck because they don’t know what to do. They’re stuck because they’re looking at what they’ve done and making it mean the wrong thing.
You will have experienced this too.
It’s when you try something and it doesn’t go according to plan. And instead of seeing it as information, you call it failure.
And then what happens?
Your thinking takes you somewhere that is not helpful, and your thoughts start to sound like this:
“I’m not good at this.”
“This isn’t working.”
“Other people get it, so why don’t I?”
And in that moment, it stops being about the thing you did and starts being about you.
It’s at that point that life starts to feel uncomfortable, like an uphill struggle.
The problem is, you’re not looking at what is actually happening. Which means you’re trying to solve the wrong problem.
Nothing is going wrong
To start with, nothing is going wrong and you’re not failing.
When life doesn’t go the way you thought it would, this is simply information. You’re collecting evidence that confirms, or doesn’t confirm, what you were trying.
Evidence of what works.
Evidence of what doesn’t.
Evidence of what needs to change next.
And looking at the outcome that way is far more useful than grabbing a big stick and using it to beat yourself up.
What not to do
Most people panic in that moment, which opens the door to all the negative thoughts.
This leads them to react too quickly, decide what it means too early, and give up before anything has had a chance to build.
They focus on the outcome being the problem, when it’s the meaning given to the outcome that’s making it a problem.
Let me give you an example.
Two people fail at making a cake.
One says: “That didn’t work. I can’t bake”
The other says: “That didn’t work yet. What did it show me?”
Same outcome, and yet they chose different meanings, which leads to two different directions.
That’s the difference.
So what do you do instead?
Keep it simple.
Get curious and ask yourself the right questions
Ask yourself this after everything you do: *What did this show me?*
Avoid asking, *Why didn’t it work?* or *What’s wrong with me?* Those questions won’t take you anywhere productive.
This simple question takes the emotion out of it so you can more easily see what needs to be learned and revised for next time.
Look for patterns instead of panicking
One moment doesn’t mean anything on its own.
Just because it didn’t work doesn’t mean you’re a failure, and it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.
It just means you don’t have enough information yet.
Test what you’re doing so you can spot patterns. That’s what gives you the information.
Many people never get far enough to see patterns because they stop after the first wobble.
Stay in it long enough to see what’s actually happening.
Separate who you are from what just happened
This matters because this is where it becomes personal, and then personal turns into judgement.
Your results are not your identity, and your current stage is not your ceiling.
Say it plainly: “This is information about what I’m trying, not information about me.”
Most people don’t fail. They stop collecting information and instead turn that one moment into a story about who they are.
That’s when imposter syndrome starts to appear. That’s where “I’m not good enough” rears its head. And that’s when you become stuck.
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