Is it time to rewrite your story?
When life feels chaotic, overwhelming and a bit too much, the one thing I always come back to is, ‘What’s the story I am currently telling myself?’
Do you know how powerful that one question is?
So powerful, because it draws our attention to the fact that we’re letting what is going on in our heads play out in our reality.
The stories we tell ourselves fuel the emotions we feel in our bodies, which triggers us to show up the way we do, behave in a certain way and take action driven by that raw emotion.
And this is what leads to experiencing the stuff that starts happening around us.
When I understand and acknowledge what is actually going on in my head, I give myself a choice.
I can continue down the road that isn’t serving me or I can choose a different story.
By choosing a different story, I can choose to use words that empower me to do what is right for me so that I can change the situation in front of me.
You see, only you control the thoughts in your head. And when you’re able to give yourself the space to pause, you’re also giving yourself the time to choose more wisely.
The story you tell yourself matters
If you haven’t figured it out, I’m telling you two things. First, you own the stories you’re telling yourself, which means second, you can do something about it.
Let’s put it to the test.
Think about something happening in your life right now.
Maybe you’re unhappy at work. Maybe you’re thinking about starting a hobby, asking for a promotion or having a difficult conversation.
Perhaps you keep putting something off because you don’t feel ready or it’s not the right time.
Or you’re telling yourself you don’t have enough time, money or experience.
The situation itself is one thing.
The story you’re telling yourself about that situation is another. Are you telling yourself:
‘I can’t do this.’
‘I’m not good enough.’
‘What if I fail?’
‘It’s too late for me.’
These thoughts can feel like facts when you’ve thought them often enough.
They aren’t necessarily facts. See them as they are, which are thoughts.
And the more you repeat them, the more familiar they become. And we love what feels familiar.
So I invite you to make those unhelpful thoughts unfamiliar by replacing them with familiar helpful thoughts.
So, where do you start?
Start noticing the story
Self-awareness is always the starting point because you can’t change something you haven’t noticed.
This isn’t about analysing every thought you have or trying to think positively all day. It’s about becoming aware of what you’re actually saying to yourself when something happens. What do you immediately assume? What do you tell yourself when something goes wrong or you have to make a decision?
Start paying attention to the words in your head and if it helps write them down.
Once you can see the story rather than simply believing it, you create some space between the thought and the action.
And that space gives you a choice to decide what your next best move is.
If you used self-awareness like this in everyday life, you would start responding to situations rather than automatically reacting to them. You’d have more clarity, more confidence in your decisions and a better understanding of why you do the things you do.
Look for the patterns
One thought on its own doesn’t tell you very much, however, the patterns can tell you a lot.
Maybe whenever you’re given an opportunity, you immediately find a reason why you can’t do it.
Perhaps whenever somebody challenges you, you assume you’ve done something wrong.
Maybe you keep saying yes when you want to say no, then feel resentful afterwards.
Or you keep waiting until you feel ready before taking action.
These patterns are useful because they show you what is really going on underneath the situation.
This is something I discuss with my clients. We look at what happened, what they thought about it, how that made them feel and what they did as a result.
We start to see the connection.
Once you recognise a pattern, you can interrupt it. Just because you’ve always reacted in a particular way doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it.
If you started noticing your own patterns, you could stop repeating the same behaviours and expecting a different result. You’d understand yourself better and have more choice over how you respond.
Start changing the words
This is where affirmations can be useful. I know, not everyone’s cup of tea.
An affirmation isn’t about standing in front of the mirror telling yourself you’re amazing when you don’t believe it. Although repetition does lead to belief.
It’s about choosing words that challenge the story you’ve been repeating and give your brain something different to focus on.
If your usual thought is, ‘I can’t do this,’ you could try, ‘I can work this out.’
If you’re telling yourself, ‘I’m not confident enough,’ you could use, ‘I don’t need to feel confident to take the next step.’
Choose something that feels believable and relevant to you. You can either write it down, say it to yourself, put it somewhere you’ll see it or do all three.
Then act in line with those new words.
Because an affirmation isn’t magic. The change comes through repetition and practice and when your thoughts and actions start supporting the new story.
Over time, you can build a different relationship with yourself. You can start seeing possibilities where you once saw reasons not to try.
You don’t have to believe the first story your mind gives you
Remember, your first thought isn’t always the truth. It’s often just the thought you’ve practised the most. You know, the one that is now familiar to you.
And if you’ve spent years telling yourself that you’re not confident, that you always get things wrong, that you can’t make a decision or that other people’s needs need to come before your own, it’s understandable that those thoughts feel convincing.
It doesn’t mean they have to stay there.
The next time something happens and you notice yourself reacting, pause and ask yourself:
What is the story I’m telling myself right now?
Is it actually true?
What else could be true?
What would I do if I believed something different?
You don’t need to completely rewrite your life overnight. Start with the next thought.
Because when you change the story you’re telling yourself, you can start changing the way you feel, the way you behave and the actions you take.
And those actions create your results.
So, what story are you telling yourself?
If you’ve read this and thought, “this is me”, this is your next step. Click the LINK to find out more.
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