Why Your Confidence Feels Lower Than It Used To (And What To Do About It)
At the end of a workshop I was running, one of the women asked me something I hear more often than you’d think.
“I don’t feel as confident as I used to. Why is that?”
Then she explained it in more detail. She told me about the things she wouldn’t think twice about when she was younger that now feel harder to her. So what does she choose to do now? She chooses to avoid doing those things.
In case you were wondering, confidence doesn’t just disappear.
Instead, it slowly fades over time, and I think there are a few reasons why confidence can feel lower as we get older.
One of them is actually physical in a way people don’t always think about.
Let me explain.
I once had a Personal Trainer explain to me how the body is very efficient.
Believe it or not, it doesn’t maintain strength in areas you’re not using just in case you might need them one day. It prioritises what you actually use. It keeps those systems strong and lets the unused areas naturally weaken over time.
It adapts to how you live.
And confidence works in a very similar way.
If you’re not using it, you don’t lose it overnight. You just stop strengthening it.
And so, over time, it feels less accessible.
There’s something else that happens too.
As we get older, we naturally start to lean towards what feels safe and familiar.
Again, this doesn’t happen suddenly, it’s a gradual thing.
You avoid certain conversations.
You stop putting yourself forward.
You don’t try things you once would have said yes to without thinking.
And slowly, your comfort zone starts to shrink.
And this has got nothing to do with your ability. It’s down to your willingness to stretch yourself.
So things that once felt normal now start to feel uncomfortable.
And things that once felt small start to feel big.
Because confidence is not a personality trait. It isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s not fixed.
It’s built through use and maintained through practice.
The less you use it, the more unfamiliar it feels.
The more you use it, the more natural it becomes again.
What this means in real life
If confidence feels lower than it used to, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost it.
It usually means:
You’ve been operating in familiar territory for a while.
You’ve reduced the amount you stretch yourself.
You’ve stopped challenging your own comfort zone regularly.
And that is reversible.
What helps rebuild confidence
This is what I encourage my clients to focus on:
Use it regularly
Do small things that stretch you.
Say the thing you’d normally hold back.
Ask the question you usually avoid.
Take the action you’ve been overthinking.
Remember, confidence builds through repetition.
Notice where you’re pulling back
Start catching the moments which signal you’re trying to avoid doing something.
The hesitation.
The “maybe I won’t”.
The “it’s easier if I don’t”.
That awareness alone is great information. You can then see the pattern that you’ve got into.
Don’t wait to feel ready
You won’t always feel ready. Things won’t always feel easy.
If you wait for that feeling, you’ll stay where you are, and that won’t help your confidence.
Confidence often comes after you take action, not before it.
If confidence feels different to how it used to feel, don’t write that off. It’s not gone. It’s just not being exercised in the way it once was. And you can change that.
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