Reviving me

Aug 22, 2019

I’d like to introduce you to a very special little girl. Someone who is feisty, fearless and believes anything is possible. If you tell her something cannot be done then she will show you it can. If you tell her she’s unable to do something then she will show you she’s more than capable. If you tell her she’s not good enough then she’ll show you she’s more than good enough.

Who is this little girl? Meet young Maria. Yes, that’s right. Meet my child self.

You see. When I was young I truly believed that nothing was going to hold me back. It fired me up when someone told me I wouldn’t be able to do this or I’d never be able to do that. I basked in the glory of proving people wrong. Especially if it was something I was particularly passionate about.

My maths teacher told me I wouldn’t get an A in maths GCSE. I loved maths. I got an A. One of the Guide Leader assistants told me I’d never be a patrol leader. I knew better and not long after this, I became a patrol leader. A family member told me I wouldn’t be as successful as my brother. Well, I had a very successful 17 year career in Rolls-Royce.

I was alive. I was tenacious. I was stubborn. I was focused. I was driven. I knew what I wanted.

I see that same spirit in my daughter. She’s amazing. I love that she wants to have a go. I love that she is a performer. I love that she wears her heart on her sleeve. She challenges me. She makes life interesting. She makes me laugh. She makes me beam with pride. She makes me want to give her a big hug and never let go.

I don’t want her to change. I want her to keep being her. Whatever that means. I don’t want her to be influenced by the negativity in this world. By the judgement. By the conformists. I want her to continue to be brave. I want her to have the courage to say yes when she wants to. And also no.

I know that I’m the same person deep down. I know that I’m not shy. I know I can be flamboyant. I know that entering a room of people that I don’t know isn’t that scary. But I also know that being an adult has dampened some of these attributes. I’m more self aware. My actions are more considered. Subconsciously, I’ll do a quick risk assessment before I attempt something. I’m no longer ‘gung-ho’ about things. I’m less likely to jump in with both feet regardless of the impact.

Is this a bad thing? Yes and no.

I’m never going to do something that is ‘dangerous’. Like jumping out of an aeroplane. Or doing a bungee jump. Or swimming with sharks. That’s just not my thing. But there are plenty of opportunities that don’t mean risking my life.

I’ve already done one. I’ve started my own business.

So I’ve made a decision. I’m reviving young Maria. I’m going to start thinking more like she would have thought. I’m going to grab the bull by the horns whenever a good opportunity presents itself and go with it. After all, what have I really got to lose?

That’s reviving me according to Mummy on a Break

What do you miss about your younger self?

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